I Collect Good Men – Oops… stories of:)

This past couple years disrespect of women has become more public than in the recent past.

The Stanford Rape Case – girl gets left like garbage out on on the ground and swim jock rapist get community service.

Bill Cosby – 60 women destroyed and he calling it “casual sex”, admits to using sedative hypnotic methaqualone with the women – admits knowing that giving it to another person is illegal, but won’t call it rape.

Mark Driscoll the lead pastor of Mars Hill is off’d his mountaintop for a variety of reasons – I’m sure his graphic sexualized prophecies and hyper-fixation on teaching women in the church to provide certain kinds of sex to headship husband lest they neglect their Christian wifely duty have added to the list of reasons why.

Seventh day Adventist Church:  Women’s Ordination.

Donald Trump.  Lets see, strip clubs, objectifying his own daughter.  Filth spoken to his buddies long ago, (‘We all do it’, quip the supporters.  No, many of us have never had thoughts like the words that came out of his mouth, or ever heard such words.  And needed a shower after hearing such words.  No, we don’t all act like that and talk like that.). Reports that he raped a 13 year old girl (read the reports. Yes she dropped charges after her life was threatened.  This was a group effort, the other man accused, Jeffrey Epstein, Trumps buddy, is a registered sex offender and payed the girl off for his part.) 

This is the year it became impossible to talk about the happenings in the news round the dinner table. The year we couldn’t have our kids involved in the election process as it became X-rated and revolting.  The year an old family entertainer we all love and who made us laugh was found to be too violent and grotesque in his secret life to be funny at all anymore. 

Today I ran across a short little video about a single Dad who started classes in his community to teach other Dad’s how to do their daughter’s hair.  This Dad says knowing how to care for his daughter’s hair became one of the challenges for him and as he figured out what to do, he decided to share what he learned with other Dads.  Thirty-four classes later and 800 plus guys through the program, he reminds the guys it’s not a gender thing  “Even a messy braid is still time spent together. It’s not about the braid, it’s about the bond”.

I ran across a story about a woman who went to her husband’s work because he had been working late.  She found him sound asleep in his chair, feet up on desk, holding a little two year old on his chest.  This man works for Child and Family Services, the baby had been taken, and was between placements.  A big kind-hearted guy sound asleep on duty, helping the little one during this terribly painful time of transition. 

There are the abusers.  The selfish.  The toxic and manipulative.  Liars and users.  There are monsters.  The types who say words with a smile, but words that cut holes in the souls of those around them.  There are people all about power over.  There are small types who have to talk filth to feel big.  Small ones who drive giant trucks, suck up gas and burn tires to prove how important they are.  The people who do not care the scars they carve into those who trust them.

And then there are the others.  Not perfect, and still day after day he goes to work, brings home all that he has been earned, rarely uses money just for himself.  The guy who grocery shops.  He cooks.  The one who still tell bedtime stories, he doesn’t do it all just right, but cares deeply for the people in  his life.  The guy who doesn’t spend his life angry because he is hamstrung by the old lady and a couple-a snot nosed dependents.  No, a guy who loves and adores his wife, still finds her hot despite the way they’ve both aged… the marks grooved deep into her being, stretched lines telling a story about their love and their love babies.  A guy who doesn’t want the plastic of porn.  It’s his wife he desires.  Not just her body, but her friendship.  

This year I hope to collect stories of respect given by men to women and women to men.  Men and women to children.  Not tales about why it’s so important for women to respect men and why women don’t need respect but love.  The church has contributed to the abuse by ideas that we have propagated.  The Bible is crammed packed with why respect and love are important for all.  Male headship, leading and following.  Balderdash.  He who is greatest must be servant of all.  Jesus, God himself, says he calls us FRIENDS.  Men and women are all in this together, we either all contribute to love or to destruction.  We all need each other.  I am collecting stories of mutual care and love given between equals.  Help me collect the stories. I look forward to each one. 

P.S.  Happy Birthday Adored Husband.  Thank you for the little ways you remind me every day that not all guys are like the horrific males who make the news.  The kids and I are blessed.   

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13 Comments

  1. I wouldn’t say that not allowing women to be ordained is disrespecting women. And more churches that the Adventist church does so. The reason to give you is that the decision was made by a world church. The bible says not to do things that might cause someone to stumble, it also says not to be offended. And to put womens ordiantion in with all the sexual sins seems really off. When it isn’t a sin not disrespect but a matter of offence (on both sides of the aisle). 

    Sent from my Samsung GALAXY S5™, a Cricket 4G LTE smartphone

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    1. I said it because it’s the one I know about, and it’s incredibly disrespectful and demeaning. Disrespect is a continuum. It doesn’t start with violence, it starts with minimizing and putting one under. Thank you for your thoughts.

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    2. The decision made by the world church at GC San Antonio 2015 was NOT whether to ordain women–the vote was specifically about whether divisions could decide this matter on their own instead of leaving it to the unions (and yes, I am aware the current GC thinks it’s not the union’s right to ordain, but the responsibility to choose WHO to ordain has always been the job of the unions.)

      When it comes to not stumbling, the Adventist Church has even allowed polygamy among those who are baptized into the church in some nations to protect the extra wives. A policy should always be as compassionate and fitting to the demographic as possible. In the case of WO, no one who supports it says to force it on a church that does not want a woman pastor, however because of our fundamental belief that men and women are both created in the image of God, we should set a precedence of treating both as equal because there is no male or female in Jesus Christ (Gal. 3:28).

      To say that WO is essential to the mission of the church is not being offended, but standing up for what is right. When women clergy are treated as equal to the male clergy, it will show little girls that Jesus loves adn calls them as much as their brothers. When a woman is led by the Holy Spirit to be a pastor, she is often questioned, belittled and attacked for doing what? Following God. These kind of attacks and disrespectful treatment would be much less if the denomination took the stand to admit that women and men are both called and women are not less than men. Until this happens, the church is misrepresenting the character of God.

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  2. The Seventh-day Adventists’ official stance on the ordination of women is particularly awkward in view of the almost sainted respect they accord Ellen G. White, one of the founders who is held by church members to be a prophet. The issue is exacerbated by a relatively recent doctrine of “male headship” which holds that women are ever subordinate to men, and some liken this to their belief that Christ is subordinate to God the Father. Neither of these positions gives proper respect to God or to our fellow human beings, men or women.

    There’s no question in my mind that women are widely disrespected, as you’ve shared above, but sadly, I think that, at least in the U.S., we’ve lost the ability to treat each other with respect altogether. Perhaps highlighting positive examples will help. Thanks for the effort!

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    1. You are right. We are a culture of reality shows. We don’t have a stomach for a dignified thoughtful approach to anything. It isn’t just disrespect for women. It is disrespect for all mankind. Children are another good example. There is no tolerance for parents who try to protect their little one, for-instance, from a frightening movie or loud music, as others feel judged by one parent being protective. As we become more empathetic toward each other, and tender, we find greater strength and experience our value at a greater depth.

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  3. On behalf of my brothers who have NOT reverted to the state of beasts (although that is an unintentional slur on beasts) I apologize and commit to not let my courageous sisters stand alone.

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    1. Why thank you. Beasts. Exactly. Only vicious beasts. We have a beast at my house who wouldn’t hurt a fly. But paintings from out of the book of Revelation to terrify the folks and get them to sign up… ya, the same variety as the ones I wrote about. 🙂

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